I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
