So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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