i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
