Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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