Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
