so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
