She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize