I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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