We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
