I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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