her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
