i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
