i just wanna soil my oats bro
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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