There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
