Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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