I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
