Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
