note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
