listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm bleeding and have questions
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
