so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
