I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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