sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
