i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
