dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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