There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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