so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
