I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
