worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
