Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
