he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
