those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
