just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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