i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
