Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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