he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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