So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
