Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
