Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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