and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
