can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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