She said her name was "party"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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