He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
