I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
