yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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