what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
