thus making me awesome and them whores
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
