someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
