mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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