Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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