They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Mom said you looked used
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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