so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
