I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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