u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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